“I don’t want to hear you on your f**king phone.”
I had just boarded the subway, excited to head downtown for my first Christmas concert this year — a much-anticipated evening of classical music with the world-renowned cellist Sheku Kanneh-Mason. My mood was light and joyous. Just as I entered the station, my phone rang. Knowing I had a few minutes before the train pulled out and I lost the signal, I answered the call.
I stepped onto the train, phone to my ear, deep in conversation. My selection of my seat was interrupted by a man’s voice barking: “Don’t sit there. Sit somewhere else.”
Surprised, I looked up and asked, “You don’t want me to sit here?”
Without glancing up from his own phone, he replied sharply,
“No, I don’t want to hear you on your f**king phone.”
In that moment, I paused. I knew I had a choice: fight for my right to sit anywhere in this public, tax-payer funded space or simply move on. Choose your battles, I thought. Some aren’t worth fighting.
“No problem,” I replied calmly, walking further down the aisle to find another seat, away from his anger.
As the train pulled out of the station, I glanced back at him to see him still hunched over his phone, face scowling. I had conceded the moment; shouldn’t he have been satisfied?
With no phone to distract me, I started to wonder: What’s his story? What is he going through that would cause such a cutting remark to a stranger? Was his day at work miserable? Was he dealing with something even heavier? The anger I had received felt misdirected, like it had roots far deeper than the noise of someone chatting on a phone for a few minutes.
“It’s the most wonderful time of the year,” or is it?
The holiday season, while joyful for some, is deeply painful for others. Loved ones are lost or sick. Financial pressures mount. Family fractures widen. At work, there’s the stress of year-end targets, bonuses which never seem to be big enough (or none), and the expectation to be cheerful and festive.
As leaders, it’s important to remember that not everyone is in a celebratory spirit—and some of those people may be on your team, sitting next to you, or even leading you.
This season is an opportunity to lead with care and empathy. Here’s how:
- Start with Yourself: Check In
Your first step is self-awareness: check in with yourself. What are you going through? Are you truly feeling joyful? What has happened in Christmases and holidays past that may be weighing heavily on you? What challenges are you going through now? And how are you turning up for others. Ask yourself: Am I turning up with care and patience, or am I projecting my own stress? - Notice and Acknowledge Others
Pay attention to subtle signals—changes in behaviour, unexplained absences, or quiet disengagement. Instead of a casual “How are you?” ask with intention: “How are things going for you right now?” Be fully present and listen deeply.One idea is to share a heartfelt note or have a conversation with your team to speak to the pressure of the holidays. “This season can bring both joy and stress. How can we help each other.” - Be Flexible and Accommodating:
Offer flexible hours or hybrid options where possible, allowing team members to manage family obligations, shopping, or travel without guilt. Encourage breaks to ensure team members don’t feel overwhelmed. Try to show empathy and caring and encourage others to do the same. Sometimes, small accommodations go a long way. - Weed Out the Non-Essentials
Identify which tasks can wait until January. Lightening the workload where possible helps the team focus on priorities without feeling overwhelmed. Ask your team: “What can we move to the new year so you can focus on what really matters right now?” - Rethink Holiday Celebrations
Instead of imposing traditional celebrations, involve your team in deciding whether—and how—they want to mark the season. Release the expectation that joy must look a certain way. Ask them how they would like to celebrate. Remember it doesn’t have to be fancy – simple gestures go a long way, especially if they come from the team. - Remind Your Team of Support Resources
Some people face heavy, unseen burdens. Make sure they’re aware of emotional and mental health resources available through your organization. In their moment of despair, they may not even remember that there are resources to help. Remind them that seeking help is a strength, not a weakness, and that they are not alone.
Why This Matters
The subway man I encountered that day stayed with me—not because of what he said, but because of what he might have been carrying. I hope that my choice not to escalate helped him somewhat. It reminds me that you may not know everyone’s story, but you can choose how you show up for them.
Stress, pain, or frustration can manifest in unexpected ways, even in the most “wonderful” season. As leaders, we have the chance to ease that weight for our teams. Through awareness, flexibility, and care, we remind others that they are seen, valued, and supported—no matter what they’re going through.
Because sometimes, that’s the greatest gift of all.
So insightful, thank you.
Thank you Racquel.