In these very divided and contentious times, I often hear people say:
“I don’t agree with everything they stand for, but …”
OR
“I don’t have to agree with everything you say, but …”
OR
“You don’t have to agree with everything I say, but …”
Why do we believe we have to agree with everything someone says? It’s actually impossible, as we are each individuals with our own unique history, experiences, thoughts, ideas. I often remind myself that there has never been, and never will be another Marguerite Orane exactly like this one. Even if someone clones me, they may create an exact physical replica, but will never be able to create the exact same experiences, environment, perspectives and learning that have come to represent this, the only Marguerite Orane ever. So why would I expect anyone to agree with everything that I might say or do?
In the workplace, this idea that one must agree with someone else in everything, is particularly troubling. It leads to groupthink, mindless followers, lack of creativity and innovation and creates a workplace where people feel they are viewed as automatons, rather than as creative people with minds of their own that can add value to the organisation. This is a major contributor to toxicity in the workplace as people feel that their opinions are not valued. No wonder people are disconnecting from work!
A leader expressing this sentiment may have a mindset that their team members MUST agree with everything they say and do, that it’s “my way or the highway”. The impact of this is overwhelm and stress as everything seems to rest on you and your way. What happens if/when you are wrong? Then it’s all on you and there’s no-one to help. You will notice your team members simply sitting quietly, mouths shut and not offering any opinions. Nothing wrong with them – you have just shut off the tap of their brilliance.
What can you do?
- Be aware of your words. Notice when you start saying “I don’t have to agree with everything ….” And stop. Take a moment and really think about what you are saying. Indeed, you could just say “I agree with you on this”.
- Open to the views of everyone. People in your team are not there simply as bodies – they have brains, ideas, experience that adds to the pool of wisdom in your organization.
1 + 1 can equal 2, but it can also be 11 - Let your team members know that you are open to their views by asking:
- What do you think?
- How do you view this?
- What else could we do?
- If you were in my shoes, what would you do?
- An important step when you ask these questions is to LISTEN. And that may mean holding silence, even uncomfortable silence until someone fills the space opened by your question. Be patient.
- Acknowledge with gratitude the contributions of others. This will encourage them to continue to contribute – what you appreciate, appreciates.
By actively seeking out differing viewpoints and listening attentively, leaders unlock the full potential of their teams. It’s not about blindly accepting every idea but recognizing and appreciating the richness that diverse perspectives bring to the table.
So, the next time you’re tempted to demand agreement, pause. Instead, invite discussion, embrace the uniqueness of each member of your team, and watch as your team flourishes – and you will flourish too!
Remember: true strength lies in unity, not uniformity.
