In early December last year, a client’s mother died, two weeks before Christmas. A very valued employee, he managed the regional operations for a retail business. Christmas is their peak revenue season, and with sales sluggish for the past few months, it was important that all employees were on board, geared for long hours and performing at peak.
My client was emotionally devastated and physically exhausted. His mother had lived with him and was ailing but her passing was not expected this soon. Or maybe he was in denial. He was her primary caregiver, juggling hospital stays, doctor visits, treatments and the daily needs of someone with a debilitating illness with the challenges of his job. I had asked him a few months before if he had shared what he was going through with his boss, the CEO.
“No I haven’t. He’s not that kind of boss that would understand. And he might even hold it against me in the future.”
So now it was almost Christmas, his mother had passed and he needed a break. The spectre of his mother’s room, her vacant bed, her unused medication, her now useless personal possessions greeted him each evening and kept him poor company throughout his sleepless nights. He wanted to be with his closest family members at this time, particularly as Christmas with them holds warm memories. But they live in another country.
Leaders face devastating situations like this with their employees. As a leader I have had to deal with drowning, sudden death, extended illness, accidents and even murder of employees or members of their family. It is not tidy. It happens when it happens, with no regard for what’s going on at work. Not only is the employee in question affected, so are other team members who were close to him or her. And all are looking to you, the leader, to see how you handle the situation, even while you too are grieving. It’s a real test of your leadership and your personal character.
So here’s my question: if you were my client’s CEO, what would you do? Would you grant him the leave to be with his family, knowing the impact it might have on your business? Or would you do something else? And what factors would influence your decision?
Do leave your thoughts in the comment section below.
The question troubles me because I understand his hesitation about the CEO.
I feel sad that you even have to ask this question.
I’m troubled by how people in management/CEO/Chairmanship positions treat those ‘below’ them. For all that has been written about leadership, the importance of respect and support to staff, too many Jamaicans act like they own their staff and their time. That old way of thinking grates me and I’m a bit frustrated that we have not evolved to enlightened leadership that reflects best practise. This is one of the unspoken barriers to our economic growth. Bosses who abuse their staff or use their power to ambush their time for non-productive activity. I know I’m hijacking this thread and off on a tangent but the bottom line is it is cruel for someone to feel they cannot mourn and get the time off at such a critical time because of the terror of their boss. And there is a lot of cruelty in the CEO/serf relationships.
Ironically, many of the terrible bosses I’m aware of would answer your question in the ‘right’ way. Part of the issue is that they can’t see themselves. They do not get enough feedback about how cold, self-centred, rude and unfair they can be. So they continue unbridled in their way.
Anyway, my answer to this question is that, my challenge would be for this person to pluck up the courage to take care of himself. Not think or worry about his boss but to simply say – “I need some time, I have had a death in my family, I will be away for two weeks.”
So part of the issue is as much the boss as it is him. Individuals must stand up for their rights and be prepared to accept the consequences. Who knows, this may very well be the thing that brings out the humanity in Mr CEO.
Thank you so much for your comment.
The good news is that my client DID get time off – over 3 weeks – and his boss even came to his mother’s funeral. I knew this when I wrote the blog, but thought I would put the situation out there.
Gratefully
Marguerite
Marguerite,
This is something I have had to deal with on multiple occasions as a leader. The approach varies from employee to employee and I have found that discussing with them how best they want to cope in the immediate period after the passing of the loved one is very important. Some persons want to keep working and be distracted, while others need the time off to mourn and re-calibrate their own future without the loved one. In this case I would certainly give the employee the time off. I think that a well run organization should have a back up plan for every key employee and usually in cases like these, colleagues are very generous in supporting the person who is grieving.
Even if there is a short term financial loss for the organization, the investment in avoiding burnout in a key staff member will pay off in the future. An emotionally intelligent boss will recognize this.
Thank you Luz. For me, it’s a no-brainer. Happily, it worked out – my client got the time off (3 weeks) and his boss came to his mother’s funeral. But I wonder at the relationship – why would my client even think that? What would the boss have done in the past that would lead him to believe he wouldn’t be compassionate? Everything a leader does is a message about who they are.
Gratefully
Marguerite
This is a sad situation. I recall two successive bosses I had (both female, both mothers) who were unequivocal: Family first. If someone died, was ill or in trouble there was no hesitation to grant leave, regardless of what was going on. Besides everything else, if your employee is grieving or distracted, they will not be able to give the work sufficient attention. I wonder if there could have been a compromise, with the CEO asking your client to spend a few days putting things in place for one or two juniors to handle the Christmas season, and then allowing him leave for the week before Christmas, when he could join his family. If he had that week to look forward to, he might be able to concentrate on organizing and handing off. I am sure the loyalty and gratitude this would engender would pay back later. Of course, I am assuming there were juniors in place who could conceivably step into the required role.
Grief is so complicated. Some can press right along, with work even being therapeutic, while others are completely waylaid and unable to manage the simplest tasks. We have to be understanding and flexible, and careful of our expectations as leaders.
Thank you Julie. So grateful that you had positive experiences during your time of grief. There’s always a way to work things out, as long as one is willing. Situations like these demonstrate leader’s innate character. BtW – you mention that your bosses were femaie – do you think there’s a gender perspective at work here?
Gratefully
Marguerite