Birthday reflections on growing old

“Now I see my body changing in other ways, and these changes perplex me, for they seem to have no reason. Yet I know they must. The loosening and wrinkling of the skin, the achiness of bones, tightness of muscles, the movement south of tummy, breasts, butt, arms … everything, it seems, is changing. The etches around the mouth, the dimming of eyesight, muffling of hearing, shrillness of voice. What’s the meaning of all this I wonder? The internet, magazines, television regale me with advice on how to resist the signs of aging, how to stay firm, how to look younger, how to dress age appropriately, as if there’s something wrong with all these changes that everyone who is lucky to age will experience.”

Excerpt from “Butterfly Wings”, a chapter in my 2nd book “Forget It! What’s the Point?”

I took a good, honest look at myself in my brightly lit mirror on my 66th birthday last month. Gravity is yelling loudly for sure! But I also notice the softening of my skin, the halo-like graying at my temples and the crinkles, now wrinkles, that say “Marguerite – you have lived!” I used to think of 66 as old, until I got closer and closer to it. Now I am there. And it doesn’t feel old at all.

Have you ever wondered about the phrase: “growing old”? It is in stark contrast to the way our society views aging – as something to be feared, and where “old” is a 4-letter word with 3 letters.

Yet here I am, getting older, and observing, knowing and revelling in my growth.

If we look at life as an ever-expanding continuum from the moment of our first inhale to our final exhale, life is growth. At every moment from birth, we are getting older. “Old” doesn’t happen at a particular age. Notice how your definition of “old” keeps shifting. Every now and then a friend will say “So-and-so died. And he was only 72. So young”. “Old” is relative. Which means that we can choose to define it however we want, if we want to define it at all.

When we view aging as a process of growth, it opens us to myriads of possibilities for living with joy. I believe there are 5 essentials for “growing” as you get older:

1. Reframe aging to recognise that it is a lifelong process and that each stage has its own peculiarities. Part of the reframing is that we accept each stage just as it is, with no judgement.
2. Know that your life still has meaning. When my children were small, and I had to travel overseas, my mother would come to my home to spend the entire time with them. She was in her 80s then. I remember once when I thanked her most profusely – she looked at me with such gratitude in her eyes and said “I am happy to do it. I just want to be of use”. She is my role model for growing old – she embraced every moment as a chance to be of use to others. Know that you still have much to offer to the world and that your hard-earned experience is wisdom to share with others. Think about what you know now that you wish someone had told you when you were young – no doubt it is of value to someone.
3. Take care of yourself. It’s never too late to develop good habits of caring for body, mind, and spirit. You can “grow” a new body – fitter and stronger than you have ever been. You can “grow” a new mind – with a positive, affirmative attitude based on greeting each day with joy and thanksgiving. And you can certainty “grow” in spirit. As we age, we do seem to recognize and embrace our spirituality to a greater extent. We have lived long enough to know what really matters.
4. Connect with people of all ages, particularly the young. See life from their perspective – have conversations with them, be genuinely curious about their dreams and aspirations. And let’s not view them as a problem. They are just different, as we were to our preceding generation
5. Live each moment. One of the precepts of the Stoic philosophy is “Memento Mori” – remember death. Aging does make us more aware of the inevitability our pending mortality. Growing old accepts this, freeing us to focus on the joy of living.

There’s much we can do, not to delay aging (would you really want to be 20 again?), but to embrace and make the very best of it.

My birthday reminded me that this life is short. Therefore, I intend to make fabulous use it. I will squeeze every smidgen of joy from each moment. I know that I have much to give to this world, and I will do so generously and with love. I will explore, question, and learn voraciously. I will connect deeply with others. The rest of my life will be a continuation of my journey of expansion (except my waistline). I embrace growing old with joy and grace.

Forget It! What’s the Point? Is available on Amazon