Many years ago, when I ran my family’s door manufacturing business, our master joiner, Mr. Samuel Reid, drowned.
Mr. Reid’s workstation was right below my office on the mezzanine floor of our factory. I would often look down and marvel at him working. He was a quiet, decent man who worked with patience, meticulousness and well, love. All the woodworkers we employed aspired to one day be like Mr. Reid, and make doors the way he did.
Understandably, the entire staff of over 70 were distraught when he died. We all grieved the untimely passing of this beautiful man. No one ever took his workstation. It remained a monument to his mastery, a shrine to his excellence.
Grieving Mr. Reid came to mind as I heard about the tragic murder of Tyre Nichols by the police in Memphis Tennessee. Jamaica and Tennessee are worlds apart, but the experience of deep grief from horrific tragedy is a universal one. It is possible that tragedy will affect us personally at some point, in terms of someone we know and love. More and more, it affects us even when we don’t know the person or people due to the immediacy of media and the technology that brings human tragedy right to our hearts. So we grieve Tyre Nichols as if we knew him personally.
What’s the role of a leader when their team is in collective grief? How do you step up to support your team when you too are in deep grief?
Reflecting on my experience with Mr. Reid, and other experiences of leading through tragedy, there are 3 critical things for a leader to do:
- Show compassion. I’ve had to comfort teams through quite a few tragedies that affected everyone. And through it all the constant was compassion. This involves deep listening to team members as they share their emotions and grief, allowing them the space to grieve in their own individual way. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, and so a leader has to be there for team members however they show up.
- Give space for the team to express their grief. When Mr. Reid died, I dispensed with thoughts of production and filling orders. The workers asked if they could make his coffin. I said yes, of course. For the few days it took, production stopped. Everyone gathered around as the coffin took form. And on the day of its completion, the only delivery was “1 Coffin”, made of choice mahogany, lined with purple satin, befitting of a master. This was how the team wanted to express their grief.
- Allow time and space for your own grief. Be vulnerable. Cry as many tears as you need. Seek help outside of your team – a trusted confidante, or a therapist to help you work through it. This will allow you to turn up for your team from a place of vulnerable strength.
Death is a reality of the human existence, and it will show up at work. It should come as no surprise that leading a team in grief is one of the challenges you might face. Such situations offer a chance for the leader to show their vulnerable, human side, and to bring the team together. Please don’t shy away from it.
