“Love is the answer” – easy to say, but so difficult to do.
I look at the crises in my home country Jamaica, and in Canada, my new home, the war in Yemen, Ukraine and other hotspots, the devastating earthquake in Turkey and Syria, political turmoil in the USA and many other countries, and innumerable crises begging for solutions knowing that what we are doing is not working, or not working fast enough. How does one personally maintain peace, stability, and joy in the daily bombardment of terrible news?
“But wait! There’s more”: how does one turn up to work, ready to lead, when work is itself fraught with crises – shortage of candidates to fill vacant posts, disengaged employees, work-from-home conundrums, technology changing faster than Usain Bolt can run a 100m race, hungry new competition, and desperate old competition?
Faced with all this and more every new day, I try holding fast to my mantra “Love is the answer”. I understand this high-level thinking is important as a start but is not the entire solution. How do I “operationalize” love? How do I move “love” from being a word, to love being a way of being, to love really being at the heart of the solution?
Love-based action is the answer. Through the years I have repeatedly said to my children “I will always love you. I may not like something that you do. But I will always love you”. That is what love-based action is about. Basically, it’s about acceptance. When we remember this, then we can make a true shift from blame, fear, and guilt to being love. We free our focus from the person to their actions. And we become free to suggest, propose or take different actions. We are now in a space of love and can truly say and know that “Love is the answer”. Not sure? Think of a particular team member or co-worker who is presenting a challenge to you. Try accepting them just as they are – not excusing but accepting them. Recognise and accept that neither of you are ”bad people” – you are just humans, doing the best you can. Shift your focus to the behaviour that is causing the problem. Perhaps explore your own behaviour that has contributed to it. Now approach your team member to discuss their specific actions, and how to help them solve the problem. It may take time – the problem wasn’t created in a day – but hold fast in love and keep trying.
Still not sure? Here’s a personal example: my son never liked schoolwork. I would find myself in total frustration saying to him repeatedly, “What is wrong with you”? But one day, I reminded myself that nothing is wrong with him. He is love. I am love. The solution is love. This freed me to focus on his behavior and work with him to suggest, with love, ways to get his schoolwork done. He was much more responsive and responsible. Shortly after, I watched as he worked with his friend to complete a project due that day. I was tempted to admonish “You should have done this earlier”. Instead, coming from love, I was able to say instead “How are you progressing” and “Good” – affirming his efforts rather than criticizing. Did his love for schoolwork change immediately? No. But he did become more responsible about completing his assignments. I was less stressed, and our relationship improved.
Today, stay in a space of love. Whenever there is a problem, remember the fundamentals – we are ALL love and loved – even those who challenge you.
